A Classification of PIs - find yours' in the list!

Though it may surprise some, PI's (Principal Investigators) are people too, and hence come in a variety of flavors. Here are some phenotypes that I have noted. I have no doubt I am one (or more) of them. (**NEW additions on: 3/2014, 5/2014, 5/2015)

The Cowboy PI - Offers bold predictions in his papers, goes WAY beyond what the data actually show.

The Pinhead PI - Knows only one technique. Chooses scientific questions answerable by that technique, ignoring all else.

The Barista - Super-nice to everyone, but really has nothing much to say.

The Lone Ranger - Needs no collaborators; not even students or postdocs. Does EVERYTHING himself.

The Wanderlust PI - Always traveling to meetings, never found at home base.

The e-PI - Available only by email.

The Salesman - Perpetually telling everyone how great his stuff really is.

The Naysayer - NEVER believes in any paper, especially if it is not his.

The Weather-girl - Only writes reviews. Sometimes flooding the literature with them. 

The Parasite - Latches on to other people's papers.

The Bell bottom PI - Thinks all the good science was done in the 60 and 70's - transgenic mice are SUCH a waste of time.
 
The Marching-band PI - Always falls in line with what everyone else in the field is doing.

The One-hit Wonder - Did something thirty ago - but thinks it is still pretty hot!

The Upscale PI - Is only interested in buying big, expensive equipment - whether he needs it or not. 

The Amish PI - The opposite, favors old equipment, thinks hand-blown glass pipettes give more accurate measurements.  

The Sidler - Feverishly seeks to mingle with the top-brass at every opportunity.

The Pharaoh - Demands complete reverence from everyone, expects people to kneel before him at meetings. 

The Prairie Dog PI - Never reads any papers except his own; vehemently argues his position based on superficial understanding.

The Big-Picture PI - The sky is blue, the earth is brown, that's all he needs to know. This guy is not interested in any more details. 

The Hammerhead PI - This guy holds an amazing magic hammer (his favorite hypothesis), and to him every scientific problem known to man - from uncovering the mysteries of epigenetics to curing Alzheimer's disease - is just another nail.

The "Middle-Author" PI - This guy has a 1000 publications, and is the middle-author of 999 of them. No one can guess how much work he has really done, and this uncertainty keeps him alive.

PI equivalent of the "play by play" announcer - This guy reads EVERY journal and knows every scientific fact, but there is one problem. He doesn't really do anything himself.

The "YODA" PI - Stop right now folks, no need to do a single more experiment! This guy already knows what the answer to the super-complicated multi-factorial problem is....yes, his favorite hypothesis...how did you guess?

The "Roadrunner" PI - So whenever you see this guy, he is always a moving blur........in fact he does not have a single second to talk to anyone about anything. Reminds me of the roadrunner cartoon......BEEP BEEP.....and he's gone.

The "Clickety-Clak" PI - NEVER seen without his laptop (usually a giant one). At a meeting, at a talk, at a retreat, even if you have lunch with him, this guy is always clicking away furiously.....